I can’t write much today as this is too raw and painful for us at the moment. But yesterday we had to say “Goodbye” to our gorgeous, gentleman, Sid the Dog. It still doesn’t feel real. It’s strange typing this with no Sid either sitting by my feet or watching me from his basket or the settee. I keep glancing over and he’s just no longer there.
He only joined our family two years ago while he was already in his later years. We’d have loved to have seen him as a funny pup and a feisty, crazy younger dog (we’ve heard lots of stories, he even used to have a goat called Rosie as his best friend!). But, he came to us as an old boy when his owner tragically died suddenly. Poor Sid losing his long time owner. We want to thank him for letting us be his second family. He completed us and gave us the joy we didn’t know we needed. We feel privileged to have looked after him in his last years.
The kids are as heartbroken as us, as you’d expect. There have been non-stop tears in our home and we all feel lost and out of sorts. We always knew the time would come. Many people worried when they found out we were taking on a dog of his age, as inevitably it means you’re not going to have so much time with them. We went into this with our eyes open. Pain is the price we pay for love and even though right now that pain is all-consuming, I would choose to do it all again and to have Sid back in our lives for that brief period again. We just wish we’d had you longer, Boy.
I think he was definitely meant to be with us all during lockdown. Life was so strange with Dave moving out of the house and shielding, but Sid kept us going. He loved the routine of the kids doing their work at home and hopping onto “Lives” with the girls classes. He loved “Friday Night Facetime Quiz” with the family too. As soon as the laptop was put on the table he’d sit on the settee to make sure he was on screen.
He loved having the kids home for all those months. We got to enjoy so many more extra cosy nights and cuddles. He missed Dave, of course, and loved him coming round to visit with a treat or two for him in the garden. I think Dave possibly missed Sid more than he missed us!
It was so nice when we were all back together. But now things have changed again. The last few days have been full of lots of “lasts” for Sid and us as a pack and now we’re headed into days and months of painful “firsts” as a family without him. Of course, at the moment, his things are all over the house. His basket, blankets, cuddly toys and hidden treats are still in the living room. Caitlyn has already asked that we don’t put away or get rid of anything of his yet and that’s fine. It’s early days, we’re in no hurry to erase his physical memories and will always treasure his memories in our heart.
Next week we’ll get his ashes back and we’ve planned where we’re spreading them. We’ll go through these processes and one-day things will be easier. I knew it was going to be emotionally painful. I forgot how much this grief still hits you physically- I shake, I feel sick, have a headache and a constant bad uneasy belly. Working from home means I don’t have anywhere to go to take my mind off him for a while each day. I’ve also realised that since the kids have gone back to school, I’ve spent more time with Sid than anyone. But it also means I don’t have to see people as I’m not sure I can talk without crying yet.
It was hard for the kids, especially as they were up late crying last night but they all managed to go to school and I’m glad it will take their minds off our loss for a part of the day. It’s a lot to take in. Big hugs to anyone else going through this at the moment. People have been so kind, as anyone who has lost a dog, understands the pain.
Pain is the price of love.
We agree to pay it whenever we open our hearts.
Every hello comes with the knowledge that one day there will be a goodbye.
Every first kiss comes with the certainty that there will one day be a last.
And yet even though we knew all love ends in sorrow… even though we know that price… we pay it.
We pay it again and again and again.
We pay it because it makes life worth living.
We pay it because love… love is always worth it.
See more photos of Sid here:
We love you and miss you so much Sid! Thank you for letting us be your second family. You can be back with your first Daddy now. We hope you’re at peace and running free! ❤️🐾