The idea of you sitting down and talking through your insecurities with anyone can seem like a pretty artificial thing to do, as when would you want to book time for this? But in some circumstances, it can help. This is especially true with your partner, who you should be able to confide anything to and feel stronger and closer to the effort.
The truth is that everyone has insecurities. Maybe as a stay-at-home parent, we feel very tense about going back into the workforce, simply because our professional skills haven’t been dusted off in a while (despite the immense hard work and skill it takes to be a good parent). Or, maybe your partner is less understanding about how you feel regarding certain topics that are brought up.
All in all, it’s not easy to broach these topics, but doing so can help you feel a million times better. Here’s how to do so for your loved one:
Set A Specific Time
If you have a worry that’s been eating at you, it’s best to sit down and specify time to really discuss it. Picking a specific time to talk could make it feel like less of something that’s hanging around you, and instead an opportunity that has its specific place. A quiet evening at home or a calm weekend afternoon might work well. You don’t have to leave your partner in the dark with a mysterious serious talk on the horizon either, but candid about what you want to talk about, but just set time for it. This way the conversation might feel more natural. It could also show your partner that this is important to you and inspire them to really listen.
Lay It All Out, Including Your Worries
It’s pretty tempting (and understandable) to dance around the issue, but being open can help you rip off the worry immediately and move on from there. This doesn’t mean you need to share every single thought of course, but having two or three major points you want to make, and not feeling like you’re giving a job interview, is a good place to start being honest.
For example, instead of saying, “I’m just a little stressed,” you might say, “I’m worried I won’t fit back into the workforce after being home for so long.” It’s fine if it doesn’t come out perfectly. What matters is sharing honestly, even if it feels vulnerable, because then you can begin working on it together.
Let Them Understand What You Need, Such As Patience
Your partner needs to know what you need from them. This might be patience, encouragement, just listening, teamwork, or to go to an appointment with you. For instance, perhaps you feel very guilty about your lower fertility, which doesn’t define you as inferior in the slightest but can feel quite saddening if you feel you can’t provide your partner the children they wish for. In this case, discussing alternatives such as speaking to an IVF specialist can help you limit that insecurity and work on something more realistic. It gives you a grounding point both can work from and discuss. But of course, if you want them to listen to you, you have to be prepared to hear their take in kind.
With this advice, we hope you can more easily talk through sensitive issues with your partner.
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